our favorite four-year-old

A little over a week ago, our Elianna turned 4. She’s excited to be so. We celebrated accordingly.

We love her dearly and so, without further ado, here are the top 10 things of Elianna’s year 3, written to her, from her momma.

1) You have a zest for life by way of rising early and staying up late! You wake up hungry for breakfast and hungry for life to start. Speaking of breakfast, you often eat two: breakfast and second breakfast. You’re our little hobbit, minus the large hairy feet.

2) You’ve taken a special love for dancing this year. You dance around the house. You dance around the yard. You dance into the car. You have tutus galore.

3) You make life a musical production. Sometimes you’ll start the day off by singing everything instead of talking. So you’ll ask for your breakfast with great lyrical phrasing. I like living in a musical. The best is when you use your little vibrato. Very sweet.

4) You are making sure you’re in on school this year. You have a workbook that you’ve been delving into along with some other activities. It’s enjoyable watching you learn.

5) You are working on being brave. This summer you have advanced in swimming feats like going off the diving board and down the slide. Sometimes your Nana gives you “bravery gum” if you conquer something particularly difficult.

6) You’ve grown into the big sister role very much this past year. You really love your little sister and have taken on the responsibility of being an older sibling very well. Of course you’ll always be a younger sibling too. And you seem to have that down pat.

7) You’re quite possibly the most affectionate child ever. Hugs, kisses, and cuddles, oh my! I hope you always give hugs to me as freely as you do now.

8) You like people. You like having friendships and you like being out and about. You can be shy or embarrassed but it doesn’t last long. You can’t wait for Sunday school to start back up in the fall.

9) You love to be read to. Often I’m reading books out loud that are a bit too old for you in terms of typical 3 year-old fare–books for Eliza that you and Seth end up listening in on. You do well with them, but you truly love when we sit down and read a book of your choice. One with lots of great pictures.

10) You have a distinct personality, Elianna, and I greatly enjoy how God has made you. I love how you’re willing to laugh at everyone’s jokes. I love how you fit in our family.  Your heart seems soft towards the Lord and compassionate towards others and I am praying that would increase as you grow.

May Jesus be the true Treasure of your life. May you overflow with joy in Him and find all God’s promises to be yes in Christ Jesus. He died for you, He loves you so. And I love a million, baby girl.

my love affair with the North Shore

I have a love affair with Minnesota’s North Shore.

My love for it is still in the new, passionate stage. I know there are many who have a tried and true relationship with the North Shore. Theirs is the kind of love that knows every nook and cranny, every beautiful spot and tourist attraction. They know the secret places.

I’m not there yet. My love is young and passionate. It’s still in the discovery stage.

I’ve been to the North Shore a total of 7 times. Twice were day trips.

The first time I went Tom and I had been married just 4 months. He worked hard to talk me into tent camping up at a place I’d never heard of called the North Shore. Lutsen, to be specific. Ok, I thought. Are there showers? Yes? Alright, I’ll go.

It was October and the forecast looked chilly. It snowed. I was unimpressed and cold. Too cold to even look around and notice my surroundings. The showers were in an unheated 32 degree bathroom. When can we go home?

The next time we talked about going up North I had some input. One non-negotiable piece of input to be exact: No camping. And Tom, being the good sport he is, (and secretly happy that I hadn’t sworn it off altogether after the snowy-camping-night-of-freezing-torture experience) said, “No problem!”

That being the case, I have no idea how we ended up tent camping again on our next trip after the brrrrr, when-can-I-go-home trip. I must have been having a really really good day to go for that. Not to mention that this time we were camping with three kids ages 4, 2, and 1. Nevertheless, we had the best time.

And I suppose the rest is history. We’ve gone back each year since (not camping). We usually spend almost a week in Lutsen (not camping) and the kids beg to stay there forever. That idea sounds pretty good to me too (not camping).

There is something so captivating about Lake Superior. It’s not like any other lake. Nor is it like the ocean. It’s the best of both, but somehow completely unique. I just stare and stare and stare at it.

When we drive around I’m always trying to catch a glimpse of it: a new view, a different look. They’re all beautiful.

The hikes are like something out of Middle Earth, not Lothlorien, no, they aren’t that dramatic. But more of a combination of The Shire and Rivendell, only they go by the names of Cascade and Temperance.

To describe the North Shore in a word is: magic.  The food tastes better there (especially The World’s Best Doughnuts). The sky is brighter. The water is more like water ought to be. It’s like stepping out of the wadrobe and into Narnia. Only the wadrobe is the big fog-horn city of Duluth. And it leads you to a different MN world.

Which is why I have a love affair with the North Shore. It’s like stepping into the best story. A story I want to revisit as often as I can. I want to keep dipping my toes in.

And hopefully in 10 or 20 years my love affair will be more of that tried and true kind of love. The kind that knows every nook and cranny. But I’m not hurried to get there. I just want to enjoy discovering and uncovering the places that will be my secret spots.

Have you been to the North Shore? What’s your favorite place?

PS. A post about my love affair with the North Shore would be incomplete if I didn’t mention the Alpine Slide, which is two and a half minutes of sheer high speed enjoyment.

Ah, North Shore, when will I see you again?

adventures in the little things

How do you keep the main thing the main thing, when the main thing is a million little things?

That’s what mothering is. It’s having a heart for the million little things in a day. Especially the little things known as children.

Things like a daughter wanting to create a doll out of my swiffer duster. She calls it the dusting dolly.

Or, things like creative snack times, that let my kids know I’m about more than just getting the food in their stomach and off my to-do list. I have time to delight with them in apple smiles.

Or, little things like agreeing to take a picture of the kids’ food art after dinner.

Or, little things like laughing at Evangeline’s blue crayon debacle of 2011. Boy was that fun on the other end.

It isn’t about catering to our children’s every whim of want. But it is delighting in the direction and duties of the day.

Rachel Jankovic has another wonderful article at Desiring God. Here’s a taste:

“Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”

How I need these reminders. Lord, give me the strength to love my children with Gospel sacrifice in the little things.

it’s the dad life

In honor of Father’s Day, for all the dads I know who wear khakis on a regular basis, drive the mini-van without shame, and have a secret love of rap, which they break into on occasion with the hopes of impressing their children and wife: jury’s out on how effective that is. Especially for the dad of my children and my own dad, who has been known to sport socks and sandals every so often.

This one’s for you, dads.

9 years of life together

Today is Tom’s and my 9-year anniversary.

They have been a full 9 years. So full in fact, that reflection upon them, while in the midst of so much life, seems unnecessary. For now, our story must be mainly the life we are living. The words will come later.

Suffice to say our years of married life have been good. At times great. At times difficult. And most certainly blessed.

Peppered with sillines, children, and laughter.

Happy Anniversary Tom. I’m glad to be living this full life with you.

the middlers

Being in the middle is being sandwiched with love.

Here’s middler 1.

Here’s middler 2.

And is there anything goofier than two middlers together?

I love how the middlers are hemmed in on either side. I hope they feel the same way!

Are you a middler? How do you like it?

hospitality and small children

I’ve been thinking about the joys and challenges of being hospitable with small children at home.

Having toddlers afoot amid home and meal preparations, while expecting a large or small gathering of people, can be a challenge. So much so that many people just don’t do it much at all. But it can also be a great joy and delight.

I have certainly experienced both the difficulties and delights of parenting kids while trying to keep everything picked up and in its place and keep enough gas in my tank so that I’ve got a truly warm welcome for the people walking through the door. The reality is, often I don’t have enough gas in my tank at the arrival of guests. But one thing I’ve always found to be true: God’s grace covers me over and over as friends and family and neighbors and guests enter our home. In my weakness, He is strong and He glorifies His greatness even more because of my tired, broken down reliance on him.

Here are some things to keep in mind as you pursue hospitality with small children at home:

1) Hospitality is a family affair. 2 and 3-year-olds can get a vision for it if you communicate it to them. So, be excited about serving others in your home and they will be too.

2) When you communicate the vision of hospitality to your little kids, make sure you let them know that it is an honor to receive guests, be it family, friends or strangers. Therefore, we seek to treat anyone who enters our home with special honor.

3) Start preparing early with the help of your children. If I know that we’re having a big group over, I begin preparations days in advance and engage the children as much as I possibly can. I let them know why we’re working on getting things in order, or getting food ready, etc. Often this brings on a plethora of teaching opportunities as your children may give you resistance, but it also gives them a wonderful sense of ownership in loving the people who come over.

4) Don’t let parenting and hospitality compete, let them complement. In other words, don’t sacrifice parenting for hospitality or vice versa. If you’re consumed with making your home perfect to the detriment and neglect of your children, that’s a failure all around. Hospitality is an opportunity to teach and better parent your children. Use hospitality to your children’s great benefit.

Or, if you abandon hospitality because it’s just too much work to do it alongside parenting, again, you’re missing the boat. If you’re not hospitable while children are afoot, you cannot bequeath that characteristic to them. And chances are you won’t magically start being hospitable when they turn 8 or 9 or 14 or 15. The pattern will be set.

5) While you can engage your children to help with many things, they can’t help with everything and that’s right and good. They learn by watching. Also, while you do the grown-up jobs, it is another time to teach them to play together peacefully (we aim high and fail often here!).

I often tell the kids they can each pick one toy or book to play with while I set about the grown-up jobs. This is good discipline for them. It helps them to explore all the fun ways you can play with ONE toy. And they often play together, because then they have access to the toys their siblings picked. This keeps messes to a minimum and creativity to the maximum.

6) Expect everything to go wrong. Because it will. You might think the children are playing quietly with their one-toy-a-piece when really they’ve just made a disaster area out of the basement. You may have the bathrooms polished a day in advance, only to have the three-year-old smear toothpaste on the hand towel, wall and floor, while the baby unrolls the toilet paper, again.

You may lay out the best, most inspiring vision for hospitality, only to have your child respond selfishly, with, “but I don’t want anyone else to sit in my chair!” All I can say is, persevere. It’s worth it. They’ll get it eventually. Not perfectly, not all the time, but in bits and pieces, they’ll start to love hospitality, they’ll love loving others, and hopefully they’ll love our hospitable God who inspires and commands it for His people.

7) Remember that it’s more important to do it wrong than not to do it. Say what?! Yes. Have people over, have everything go wrong with the kids not helping and the house not ready and the coffee unmade. Let people in. Turn down the voice in your head that can’t let go of all the things that are screaming at you as you walk through the house. The spot of who-knows-what under the kitchen chair; the smudges and handprints on the sliding door; the messy bed in your son’s room. Turn that voice OFF!

People have entered your home, you owe all your care and attention to the souls under your roof, not the dish left in the sink. It’s time to be Mary, not Martha.

8) Finally, make sure that even as you teach your children to be hospitable in your and their home, also be hospitable to them. While your children are not guests, they also are not going to be there forever. Take time to serve them and treat them with special honor, just as you want them to do to others. Children who’ve tasted what it’s like to be served and honored selflessly will have a better idea of how to do it for others. And more than that, they are worth it.

I hope you’re encouraged to be hospitable through the years of young children and messy parenting. Let the welcoming and tender care of your loving Father inspire you. He welcomes us because of His great love for us, love that comes at great and unthinkable cost to Himself. What a God we serve.

year one, in review

I can’t believe that Evangeline is 1 year old! That was a fast year.

Here are the top ten things of her first year of life.

1) You were born. That’s basic, but big. You came fairly fast and were a joy to behold. I thought you looked like Eliza right off, but, you’re actually quite distinct. Aren’t you all?! When we saw you, it was love, but long before first sight.

2) You’ve had a reserved first year. You’re attached to my hip and I like it. You certainly have preferred me to anyone most of the time. Only recently have you come out of your shell a bit.

3) When you’re in your comfort zone, you’re pretty goofy. And smiley.

4) You’ve had three older siblings to get you every toy that your little hands could handle. They love you a lot. They truly delight in every tiny thing that you do.

5) You really like dogs. We don’t have one, of course. But other people’s dogs, you love. You are not the least bit afraid of them. But they should be afraid of you.

6) You eat food. Again, basic, but pretty big. Right now, I’d say your favorite thing to eat is oatmeal squares that have been soaked in milk. Come to think of it, that’s one of my favorite things to eat.

7) You love your dad and you give him hugs. It’s so funny to me that you know how to give hugs. You’ve been doing it since you were really little. Like 4 or 5 months. It’s cute and it melts our hearts on the coldest winter day. Which is good, because it has been a long, long winter.

8) Some people say you look like Shull baby. The Shulls are sort of rockstars, so definitely take it as a complement. I couldn’t see it at first, but now I do. Don’t even think about stowing away to join their family. I know they’ve got two dogs and everything, but just forget about it.

9) You’ve got blue eyes still. I’m surprised, since your dad and I don’t and neither do any of your grandparents. But Seth does, so maybe you’ll follow his footsteps. Er, um, eyeball tracks.

10) You love to dance and talk and your taking 5+ steps pretty consistently. I’m about to start saying that you can walk! Nice job.

To our dear Evangeline Joy, joy aptly describes what you bring to our family. Our love for you is deep and wide and we pray that as you grow through your toddler years, joy would mark your life. We pray that the infectious joy that comes from having a dear and precious Savior would capture you, even before you totally understand its meaning. We pray that seeds of the Gospel will be planted in you and that they would fall on good soil, so that you can take the Good News everywhere you go and bring joy to the nations.

a great man

That’s who I married.

And yesterday was his birthday. I couldn’t be more thankful for him. He helps me be better. He points me to God and he gives me the privilege of doing the same for him.

You’re a lion-hearted servant leader in our home, Tom, and I love you a million.

how children are provoked to anger, and what to do instead

Mark Altrogge at The Blazing Center had this insightful list of ways that children are provoked to anger. It was very helpful for me.

Here’s what he had to say about how children are provoked to anger:

“- By constantly criticizing them and not encouraging them.  When they feel they can never please us enough.
- By having double standards – Do as I say, not as I do.  Expecting them to do things we don’t do, e.g. ask forgiveness, humble themselves, etc.
- By anger and harshness
- By a lack of affection
- By telling them what to do or not do without giving Biblical reasons (e.g., Do it because I said to do it, or because it’s just wrong).
- By being offended at their sin because it bothers us, not because it offends God.
- By comparing them to others (Why can’t you act like your sister?)
- By hypocrisy – acting like a Christian at church but not at home
- By embarrassing them (correcting, mocking or expressing disappointment in them in front of others)
- By always lecturing them and never listening to them
- By disciplining them for childishness or weakness, not for sin
- By failing to ask their forgiveness when we sin against them
- By pride – failing to receive humble correction from our spouses or our children when we sin.
- By self-centered reactions to their sin (How could you do this to ME?)
- By ungracious reactions to their sin (What were you thinking?  Why in the world would you do that?)
- By forgetting that we were (and are) sinners (I would NEVER have done that when I was your age).

May God give us gracious, gentle, humble, affectionate hearts toward our children.”

Reading this makes me pray, pray and pray some more that Jesus would work in my kids’ lives despite their mom’s sins. I thought it would be helpful to turn this list into a positive “to do,” to go along with the “not-to-do.”  Sometimes I do better when I have a target to aim at, not only a boogey man to avoid. Both are good.

So, “Let us consider how to stir up one another (esp. our children) to love and good works.. encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24

Here’s the “how-to version” to stir up our children to love and good works:

- By encouraging them and letting them know how pleased and delighted we are with them. By pointing out the grace of God in their daily life.

- By setting an example in our daily walk with the Lord. Modeling humility. By expecting the same standard out of ourselves as we do out of our children.

- By being loving and brokenhearted when they sin. By sacrificing our own comfort and to-do list for the day to bring them back to fellowship with us and the family.

- By open and tender affection.

- By showing them examples from the Bible that they can understand and identify with to lead them towards the Lord.

- By being brokenhearted (not in a manipulative way) about their sin, because of its offense to God, yet being hopeful for their growth.

- By seeing them as uniquely formed and made by God for a purpose.

- By being consistent in our walk with God and our attitude toward them.

- By honoring them privately and, on occasion, publicly.

- By listening to their side and hearing the heart underneath.

- By bearing with their weaknesses and childishness. By being consistent in discipline for sin.

- By asking for forgiveness when we sin against them.

- By humbly receiving correction from our spouse or our children when we sin.

- By reacting to their sin with a concern for their soul.

- By graciously responding to their sin with firmness and lion-hearted love.

- By remembering who we were and who we are: fellow sinners with our children and (hopefully) co-heirs of Jesus with them as well.