Do your kids have Bible names? I have one. And one of our kids does. The other two have “Hebrew” names. I’m guessing no extra points for that.
I about fell off my chair laughing when I first read this. However, I read it late at night and my humor-o-meter may have been off. In other words, if you don’t find it funny, I won’t blame you. But you really should loosen up.
The Crazy Bible Name for Your Kid Score Sheet
1. You give your kid a name that doesn’t sound Biblical except for a slight letter difference that only Christians would notice, e.g. “Rebekah” with a k. = +1 point
2. Major prophets. = +1 point
3. Minor prophets.= +3 points
4. You give your kid a name that starts of kind off normal but then takes a sharp right turn into the Old Testament. Like “Anthothijah.” Starts off like you’re going to say Anthony but just before you get to the “ny” you throw a “thijah” at me. Well played. = +3 points
5. You name a kid without looking up the meaning of the name first. Mordecai for instance means “Servant of Marduk.” Good luck telling a three-year old what that means. = +4 points
6. Their middle name is Matthew, Mark, Luke or John = +1 point
7. Their first name is “The gospel of” = +5 points
8. Their name prepares them up for an obscure career. Agrippa for instance means, “tamer of wild horses.” = +2 points
9. You name them after a character that started out great but ended up kind of blowing it. Saul for instance. = +1 point
10. You name them after one of the 12 tribes. = +1 point
11. You name them after all of the 12 tribes. +5 points
12. Their name can easily be turned into a brutal nickname. Zechariah** for instance would become “Diarrhea” on the playground in about 2.4 seconds. = +2 points
13. You find a way to name your kid after the Bible and the movie Star Wars. Obadiah for instance. If you name your kid that but call him Obi, well done. =+10 points
14. You use the name as a witnessing tool, with the hope that every time your non believing family members say it out loud they will perhaps be reminded of 1 Chronicles 2:8 and eventually become Christians. = +3 points
15. You name your kid Jonathan or David and then are secretly disappointed when as a toddler they exhibit little affinity for any sort of weapons play or giant head cutting off. = +2 points.
How did you score? High? Low? What categories did I miss? We already covered the Christian penchant for naming kids after Lord of the Rings. Did you give your kid a Biblical name? Do you have one yourself? What names have you heard?
I should warn you, I’m Jonathan Christopher which means “Gift from God” and “Followers of Christ.” Soooo, I’m pretty holy.
How about you? What’s your Bible name?
Hope you enjoyed that from the dude over at Stuff Christians Like. My name means “Father’s Joy” or “Source of Joy” and my middle name, Marie, means “bitter” or “favored one” (can you guess which one I go with?).
When I grew up I didn’t know any Abigail’s. Now, I can’t walk down the sunday school hallway at church without hearing a cacophony of my name be called out to girls, ages 0-5. My folks gave us all biblical names before it was cool. Nathan, Naomi, Micah and me, Abigail. They were so ahead of their time. Thanks Mom and Dad!
So, what about you? Any Mordecai’s out there?
9 Comments
February 26, 2009 at 9:42 am
[...] The ML Editor added an interesting post today on biblical naming score card. Here’s a small reading. However, I read it late at night and my humor/-o-meter may have been off. In other words, if you don’t find it funny, I won’t blame you. [...]
February 27, 2009 at 10:59 am
This is great Abigail – All our kids have bible names but I did not understand the scoring system and I see we could have done better! This will be helpful as we consider names once again. We had already considered the possibility of “Obadiah” called “Obi” since we just watched Star Wars as a family for the first time, so that one was particularly funny to see on the list as the TOP SCORE! Wow!
February 27, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Yes, I love the homage to Star Wars. If Skywalker were a Bible name, I’m sure Tom would’ve petitioned for it! :) Of course, Luke would do the double duty of Bible and Star Wars.. something to keep in mind..
March 1, 2009 at 7:50 pm
We had 7 boy names picked out; some were biblical and some were not. Some were rare and some were more common. We had narrowed it down to Matthew and Malachi in the delivery room, and finally chose Malachi David, beloved messenger of the Lord.
Cherith was going to be Renee Elise. Renee is my middle name, and Elise is a good friend. But when Bill read an article by Jamie Buckingham about the brook Cherith where Elijah was fed by the ravens (1 Kings 17), we decided to go with Cherith Renee. Everyone tells us we should have named her Cherith Brooke.
Melissa’s name is not biblical, but she is in so many ways a Proverbs 31 woman:)
March 3, 2009 at 10:05 pm
My kids have Biblical middle names, for the fruits of the Spirit – Grace, Joy and Faith, respectively. I think that makes us humble, that we just made them middle names. Oh, and really godly, too. :)
March 4, 2009 at 9:05 am
@Rachel- We’ve used Grace and Faith for middle names for our girls as well.. we always say that if we have a another girl we’ll have to pick a first name that goes with joy or hope..
March 4, 2009 at 4:05 pm
My children, Kirsten and Christen mean the same thing. One is feminine and one is masculine. I leave it to you which is which.
March 5, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Your welcome!
Dad
April 22, 2009 at 12:39 am
Not that I’m totally impressed, but this is more than I expected when I found a link on SU telling that the info here is quite decent. Thanks.