Do your kids have Bible names? I have one. And one of our kids does. The other two have “Hebrew” names. I’m guessing no extra points for that.
I about fell off my chair laughing when I first read this. However, I read it late at night and my humor-o-meter may have been off. In other words, if you don’t find it funny, I won’t blame you. But you really should loosen up.
The Crazy Bible Name for Your Kid Score Sheet
1. You give your kid a name that doesn’t sound Biblical except for a slight letter difference that only Christians would notice, e.g. “Rebekah” with a k. = +1 point
2. Major prophets. = +1 point
3. Minor prophets.= +3 points
4. You give your kid a name that starts of kind off normal but then takes a sharp right turn into the Old Testament. Like “Anthothijah.” Starts off like you’re going to say Anthony but just before you get to the “ny” you throw a “thijah” at me. Well played. = +3 points
5. You name a kid without looking up the meaning of the name first. Mordecai for instance means “Servant of Marduk.” Good luck telling a three-year old what that means. = +4 points
6. Their middle name is Matthew, Mark, Luke or John = +1 point
7. Their first name is “The gospel of” = +5 points
8. Their name prepares them up for an obscure career. Agrippa for instance means, “tamer of wild horses.” = +2 points
9. You name them after a character that started out great but ended up kind of blowing it. Saul for instance. = +1 point
10. You name them after one of the 12 tribes. = +1 point
11. You name them after all of the 12 tribes. +5 points
12. Their name can easily be turned into a brutal nickname. Zechariah** for instance would become “Diarrhea” on the playground in about 2.4 seconds. = +2 points
13. You find a way to name your kid after the Bible and the movie Star Wars. Obadiah for instance. If you name your kid that but call him Obi, well done. =+10 points
14. You use the name as a witnessing tool, with the hope that every time your non believing family members say it out loud they will perhaps be reminded of 1 Chronicles 2:8 and eventually become Christians. = +3 points
15. You name your kid Jonathan or David and then are secretly disappointed when as a toddler they exhibit little affinity for any sort of weapons play or giant head cutting off. = +2 points.
How did you score? High? Low? What categories did I miss? We already covered the Christian penchant for naming kids after Lord of the Rings. Did you give your kid a Biblical name? Do you have one yourself? What names have you heard?
I should warn you, I’m Jonathan Christopher which means “Gift from God” and “Followers of Christ.” Soooo, I’m pretty holy.
How about you? What’s your Bible name?
Hope you enjoyed that from the dude over at Stuff Christians Like. My name means “Father’s Joy” or “Source of Joy” and my middle name, Marie, means “bitter” or “favored one” (can you guess which one I go with?).
When I grew up I didn’t know any Abigail’s. Now, I can’t walk down the sunday school hallway at church without hearing a cacophony of my name be called out to girls, ages 0-5. My folks gave us all biblical names before it was cool. Nathan, Naomi, Micah and me, Abigail. They were so ahead of their time. Thanks Mom and Dad!
So, what about you? Any Mordecai’s out there?