Sometimes I think depression in Christian women doesn’t exist, until I start to talk about my own experience with it, then, it seems, women come out of the woodwork, finally freed to tell their story.
Every single depressed person has a different story, different circumstances, different reasons. But we all share an acquaintance with sorrow and a neediness for Christ that is so intense it binds us together.
I thought I’d share some ways that friends have helped me as I have dealt with sorrow.
1) They make no assumptions. Sometimes we assume we understand the cause of the sorrow. If your friend is deeply depressed the causes may be many and varied. Drawing the reasons out is a slow process and may never fully happen. Don’t assume it’s sin. Don’t assume it’s poor Bible-reading habits. It may be one of those.. but it may not.
2) They refrain from trying to fix it. It may not be fixable. If you feel tempted to suggest a dietary change or supplement or a regimen of behavior modification, work at holding your tongue. This can be hurtful for the depressed person who’s already tried everything. It also makes light of their suffering (unintentionally).
3) They are never scared off by the depth of the sorrow. They will hear the thoughts that are scary and dark-then gently, slowly speak truth to them. They aren’t afraid of ugly crying.
4) They aren’t easily offended. When I cease to answer the phone or can’t keep an engagement (for no good reason) they don’t take it personally. If I don’t send thank-you cards or can’t return an email, they forbear with love.
5) They read the Word to me. Depressed people may be unable to read it on their own. Reading it may seem to have no effect, but it could be providing a ray of light to them that is like air. Help them to breath.
6) They aren’t going anywhere. Depressed people are downers. Good friends commit to them for the long-haul. Let them know that you aren’t going anywhere. Be willing to give to them and receive nothing in return.
7) They let me borrow their faith and joy for a season, since it seems I have none of my own.
8) They’re willing to rat me out to family or doctors if things get out of hand.
One of the hardest things for me, when depressed, is that I have no justification for it. No death in the family to point to, no infertility, no catastrophic event. I should be happy, shouldn’t I?? Sometimes I think of depression as sorrow without a cause.
I am glad that Christ was a man of many sorrows and well-acquainted with grief. He sympathizes in my sorrow without a cause.
And He knows the cause. He caused it. I rest in this fact. The best thing to come from my depression is knowing that He causes it and He holds me firmly in His hand. He will not let me fall. No sorrow can snatch me out of His hand.
9 Comments
January 7, 2009 at 4:11 pm
So true, Abigail. I could not say it better. Dad
January 8, 2009 at 11:57 am
i’ll sit quietly with you on this one :( but not without hope :)
January 8, 2009 at 3:47 pm
wow… thanks so much for this. I never thought of the passage on Christ being a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief in this light before. I also struggle with depression, and it often does feel like there is no reason. If I were a “better” Christian, wife, mom, etc, then I should be able to pull myself out of it, right? Wish it were that easy. Glad you have friends that are there, just with you. I’m finding I have some friends I never knew I had, being with me and traveling my road with me as I travel theirs with them.
Blessings,
~Melanie
January 9, 2009 at 9:41 am
I am your friend. Thank you for being mine.
January 9, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Oh Lynette, you know you’re the main inspiration for this post. Don’t know what I’d do without you.
January 9, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Wow! This is good Ab! I have a very close friend who goes back to what she calls the “dark hole” quite often. And just as you said, without cause, without reason. All I can do is be there, gently, quietly waiting, holding out my hand that when she needs it, it’s there. Friendship among Christians is so much better than any friendship without Christ! You are a gentle, thoughtful, writer. I’m enjoying your blog and facebook! Peace and God’s blessing to you today!
January 13, 2009 at 10:19 am
This was really insightful. Thank you for posting candidly about this. I know a number of people who have to fight this battle, and I’ve struggled with a similar burden at times. These are very good ideas about how to help those we love. I especially liked your conclusion and the point that God knows why we’re suffering like this because He caused it. There is so much hope in knowing that this is not an accident or something that takes us away from the good path God has planned for us. God is right there guiding us through it for His glory and our complete joy.
That point brings to mind another commentary that I have found particularly encouraging and helpful. John Piper wrote a message on Charles Spurgeon entitled “Preaching Through Adversity” for a DG Pastor’s Conference. The fact that Spurgeon, who had such an impressive life of faith, also struggled so deeply with depression gives me a lot of hope that none of us need feel defeated by this challenge.
The text version has numbered sections, and Piper starts discussing Spurgeon’s depression at 7-F and thereafter (although the whole message is really encouraging reading). Here’s a link to the text at Desiring God:
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Biographies/1469_Charles_Spurgeon_Preaching_Through_Adversity/
Thanks again for your post. I know it will bless others who are in need.
January 13, 2009 at 10:43 am
Thanks Anthony. I can’t wait to read the link!
February 17, 2009 at 11:13 pm
[...] I share it so that we will take care of the lowly person in our lives. And so that we will be reminded of 1 Thess. 5: 14 [...]